I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t!)

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“I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t!)” by Brene Brown. Here’s a quick exerpt “Dr. Brown writes, “We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection—the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.” The book is all about shame- a strange thing to base a whole book on, but it really hit home in a lot of ways for me, which is hard to admit. Shame breeds disconnection from our friends and family, but empathy encourages compassion and connection.

As far as this blog goes, I intended it to be a pretty lighthearted and upbeat hobby for me. I never planned on sharing too much personal stuff, just a few everyday tidbits and recipes that I’ve gleaned and enjoyed. I feel like I’ve done that for the most part, but every now and then- I feel like I’m missing a little something. I don’t really know what. I try to guard against making it seem like “omg, I have this blog about my perfect life you should totally read it”. In fact, when people compliment me on recent blog posts they’ve enjoyed, I get embarrassed.

Who are we to have our own blog? That’s quite high and mighty of you, Monica. At least Katie shares crafts and good books she’s read. And that other blogger? She’s way more real. Here you are, acting like your daughter is perfect and you make amazing recipes every night from scratch <<(HA! If only.)

Shame shame shame. Truth is, I really do get a lot of joy from my life. I have been so richly blessed in so many ways. This week though, I’ve had a very short fuse and have been very on edge. Let me tell you the short version of a long story. We were robbed on Monday morning. Traumatic for me, yes indeed. Probably right when my  bathroom remodel post (which had been written and scheduled in advance) went up on the blog  is when the brute busted our door open- providentially, I had switched my work day this week so Gabby was at the babysitters and Joey and I were working and not home. I’m telling you, God had set in place for a long time that I’d switch days- and I’m so grateful!

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Our home has felt a little less safe this week, and I’m not sleeping very well. A little prayer and gratitude for God’s providence went a long way in that department. The house is a lot quieter because our TV was stolen- a welcome change, actually. I’ve quite enjoyed reading more books and not having the TV steal away valuable time- but the gaping hole in our living room does remind me that some criminal was in our ‘safe spot’ recently. It shakes me up and makes me feel fearful.

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In an effort to be more safe, I take the dogs with me when I run with Gabs, but that has made me even more short tempered because lately the dogs have not been listening to me- they wander in front of fast-moving cars (which resulted in me getting cussed out by an angry driver) and antagonize other country dogs. I lost it after the angry driver. I yelled at my dog, which made Gabs cry, and then I bawled in the middle of the road. Then I bawled more when I wondered if the robber had been as angry as that man- how would I have protected Gabby?

Love my Ghost, but he's giving me gray hair.

Love my Ghost, but he’s giving me gray hair.

 

In summary, this week I feel like I’ve had NO CONTROL over anything and it’s making me short of breath and a little claustrophobic. I cry pretty easily (that will pass soon) and I feel like I can’t get anything right. I quit the gym to save money and time, but can’t handle my dogs while I run with them. People can get in my house. I’m just spiraling a little.

But then, a compassionate conversation. An empathetic text. A hug. A “I felt that way when I was in your situation too.” A simple “It’ll be okay, honey”. “That guy was a JACKASS and you didn’t deserve that.” A tearful prayer. It just kind of melts away those feelings of always being one step behind, and you realize that everyone else is on the journey with you and those who love you want to help you succeed, not watch you sink.

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This is a big heavy post coming from a big heavy heart this week- and this heart feels a whole lot lighter after sharing. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope you read the book!

~M

 

 

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